Parting Moments

I haven't really felt like blogging the last couple of weeks or so.  My thoughts keep going back to my last hug with Kennedy.  It has been a memory that as soon as it comes up I have to quickly move to another thought or my eyes begin to tear up.  It's always hard leaving saying goodbye to the girls.  This time was definitely different for me.  I knew that this was the last time I'd see them till I returned from Afghanistan.

I knew that when K-K didn't break her embrace that something was wrong.  Then I could hear her start crying.  Absolutely broke my heart.  Words were difficult with Kennedy.  She, unlike her sisters, is way too aware of what potential dangers lie ahead for me.  It's hard knowing that she's growing up so quickly.

It's taken me a couple days to put these thoughts in writing.  In the meantime I've kept myself busy writing.  As I've done for all my past deployments, I painfully and tearfully put together my "Just In Case" letters for each of the girls.  Those have always been difficult to write.  You never realize how hard it is to put words on paper that are supposed to represent a lifetime of advice, wishes, and expressions of love.  Try it some time.  I guarantee it will remind you how truly blessed you are to have the children you do.  You'll better appreciate the time you are with them.  You'll wish you could go back and read "Goodnight, Moon" just one more time to them as they sit in your lap.  Anyways...I will hold on to my letters.  I certainly do not anticipate them being needed, but I wanted to be fully prepared.  I will hang on to them and let the girls have them when they're older.

It's taken me a dozen nights of sitting in front of the computer to put the previous three short paragraphs together.  I've typed sentence after sentence only to end up deleting it.  At this point I need to finish these jumbled thoughts.

I keep going back to Kennedy crying as I'm holding her, Reagan already counting down the days till November, and McKinley telling me that she misses me.  I miss my girls more than these black characters on a white background can ever spell out.

The "firsts" that we all got to share together while Heidi and the girls were in North Carolina were ones that I will forever remember and forever cherish.  Their first time in a hotel room, on a vacation for that matter.  Going bowling and spending time on a battleship.  Splashing in the Atlantic Ocean and picking up loads of seashells.  Reagan talking to the seagulls.  Heidi and her tank crossing signs.  Kennedy constantly wanting to go prank Uncle Tim down the hall.  McKinley being her "normal" self (those of you who know her know what I mean!).

Since I left in November I've said goodbye to them four times.  One when I left for predeployment training in Quantico.  Two when I left for Camp Lejeune.  Three when I came back to Camp Lejeune after Christmas and New Year's leave.  The fourth was a few weeks ago when they departed North Carolina after spending the long weekend out here with me.  Number four was definitely the hardest.