I am going to be the Rocket Man (plus two and a half, local that is). If you're not sure what that means just ask Elton.
Next stop Manas.
Good riddance, Afghanistan. I will not be sad to leave you.
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Sunday, October 2, 2011
Complicated
I remember back just over eight years ago when I returned home after the invasion of Iraq. I remember the questions that were asked. I could tell a theme amongst them. Every person curious of my experiences dodged the questions that everyone was wondering but nobody wanted to ask. I could tell the ones that wanted to ask about my experiences being in a combat zone, but for some reason they were either too polite or too scared to ask me. I'm sure most did not want to hear what I would have said. I guess it depended on who it is and on what kind of day they catch me on the answer that I'd give if I were asked.
That last statement is kind of hard for me to think about. Some days I'll be completely honest, telling every nitty, gritty detail that I can remember. Some days I'll divert and not tell a whole lot. It just depends on who is asking, how they ask, the mood I'm in when asked, or a number of other factors. In general I try to remember more of the good than the bad.
I remember in the first few months following my return home being so irritated with people for not asking me what happened. It seemed like nobody really cared about what I had just experienced. At the same time I was having an extremely hard time readjusting to being back home and didn't really want to talk about it. I was surrounded by people that seemed to have changed in the short amount of time I was gone. I was the father of a baby girl that didn't have any recollection of her daddy. It was a confusing and difficult time in my life.
It took quite some time to realize that it was not the people around me that had changed. It was me. As a whole I didn't feel any different. I think I still acted and thought the same. Now I know that I was a different person on the inside, I just did my best to keep that person hidden from everyone else. I'm not sure why I hid inside from those around me. I was scared. I was embarrassed. I was hurting.
Switching gears a little bit...I'm going to try to tie this in to my point.
Before this last deployment began Heidi and I have talked many, many hours of our experiences and how they differed from each other. We talked about how we could share our good days and our bad with everyone that cared to hear about it. It was Heidi that started putting thought to "paper" by starting her daily blog. I followed suit not too long after she started.
Our intent has never been to hurt feelings or to point the finger at anyone. Heidi and I have talked a good deal about the spirit of what we write and how it is intended to impact those reading it. Our separate blogs are to simply attempt to tell our story to whoever wants to read it.
I recently re-read what I had to say a few weeks ago. I came across pretty sarcastic and pretty harsh. Please understand that I am using this forum as an outlet and that it was not directed at anyone in particular. I apologize to those of you who feel like I've said the wrong thing. Those of you who know me know that I am not malicious with my words. I did not mean to hurt feelings by speaking my mind. I am also not trying to be ungrateful for anything that is said or done for my benefit.
I feel the need to clarify my thoughts at that time. During the last few weeks I have grown extremely annoyed with talk of how close we are to going home. 100% of the time that talk has come from my fellow Marines. It was not directed at any one of my friends or family back in the States. I've grown impatient with seeing my fellow Marines stop doing their job with the same intensity that they had for the previous 6 months. We call it "dropping their packs." Instead of finishing strong, too many have tapered off. Too many of those guys have made their count down calenders a bigger priority than the job at hand. Needless to say, my frustration boiled over in the form of my blog posting.
The most dangerous point of any deployment is the first month and the last month. The first month we are green. We don't know our daily operations. We don't know lay of the land, so to speak. After that first month we get into a groove. We refine that groove until we know our jobs inside and out. We get to where we can almost do it in our sleep. By the time the last month rolls around we've forgotten all the safety and security measures that we used when we were first getting here. We have become complacent in our daily routine. I was tired of seeing it happen. My last deployment my battalion lost a Marine due to negligence 11 days before we flew out of Iraq.
The last year has been very trying and very difficult. I've been away from my girls far too long now. I have been in a combat zone and seen all the things that go along with that. I found out my buddy Scott died over here a few months back. I know that I've become more than a little bitter during this time, and it has shown.
I feel the need to clarify my thoughts at that time. During the last few weeks I have grown extremely annoyed with talk of how close we are to going home. 100% of the time that talk has come from my fellow Marines. It was not directed at any one of my friends or family back in the States. I've grown impatient with seeing my fellow Marines stop doing their job with the same intensity that they had for the previous 6 months. We call it "dropping their packs." Instead of finishing strong, too many have tapered off. Too many of those guys have made their count down calenders a bigger priority than the job at hand. Needless to say, my frustration boiled over in the form of my blog posting.
The most dangerous point of any deployment is the first month and the last month. The first month we are green. We don't know our daily operations. We don't know lay of the land, so to speak. After that first month we get into a groove. We refine that groove until we know our jobs inside and out. We get to where we can almost do it in our sleep. By the time the last month rolls around we've forgotten all the safety and security measures that we used when we were first getting here. We have become complacent in our daily routine. I was tired of seeing it happen. My last deployment my battalion lost a Marine due to negligence 11 days before we flew out of Iraq.
The last year has been very trying and very difficult. I've been away from my girls far too long now. I have been in a combat zone and seen all the things that go along with that. I found out my buddy Scott died over here a few months back. I know that I've become more than a little bitter during this time, and it has shown.
I know some of the things I've posted have a confusing message. I think I've managed to scare everyone away from saying anything to me at all. A few days ago I was listening to my iTunes as I was packing my things into the two bags I brought 7,000 miles with me. I was thinking about how nobody has sent me any letters or emails in a long while. The last one I got was from my buddy Bryan. There was a line in it that has great bearing on this topic. "I've got to be honest, it's difficult to know what to talk to you about."
That hit home for me. That bothers me that my homey of over 20 years has a hard time talking to me.
Please don't stop talking to me. Please don't filter what you have talk to me about. I've not heard from a lot of people, and I can't help but think I had a large part in that. I don't want you to be scared of saying the "wrong" thing to me. Being in Afghanistan is lonely enough, let alone when nobody back home has anything to say to you out of fear it'll upset me.
Sometimes I wish I hadn't started this blog. Many times I've thought about just quitting before I dug myself a deeper hole. Maybe what I've had to say should've been kept to myself. I thought this would be a good outlet, but I didn't really think about how much I was really putting out there for everyone to see. I thought maybe this would help give an insight into what we experience over here. Maybe those experiences shouldn't be shared. I don't really know at this point. All I know is that the damage has already been done.
I am no longer at Dwyer. After a not so pleasant C-130 flight I am now at Camp Leatherneck awaiting my flight out of Afghanistan. Soon I will be able to see and hold my wife and kids. Soon I won't have to carry a rifle or a pistol or a helmet or body armor. Soon I will be back in a world that is thankfully oblivious to all that goes on over here. Soon this whole mess can be forgotten.
Part of forgetting the parts that need forgetting is my reintegration into the "real" world. I've done this enough times now to realize that I cannot do it by myself. I will need help. You'll never hear me ask, but I will need it from you. I'm not really sure in what form I'll need it, but I will. Just don't treat me any different than you did before.
I have rambled on for quite a while on this one. I have worked on this post for many days now trying to make it right. I can't help but wonder how many of you have given up on reading this blog and won't even see if before I get home. I tried to make things right.
Please be patient and understanding of me. (I'm not even sure what that means.)
Sometimes I wish I hadn't started this blog. Many times I've thought about just quitting before I dug myself a deeper hole. Maybe what I've had to say should've been kept to myself. I thought this would be a good outlet, but I didn't really think about how much I was really putting out there for everyone to see. I thought maybe this would help give an insight into what we experience over here. Maybe those experiences shouldn't be shared. I don't really know at this point. All I know is that the damage has already been done.
I am no longer at Dwyer. After a not so pleasant C-130 flight I am now at Camp Leatherneck awaiting my flight out of Afghanistan. Soon I will be able to see and hold my wife and kids. Soon I won't have to carry a rifle or a pistol or a helmet or body armor. Soon I will be back in a world that is thankfully oblivious to all that goes on over here. Soon this whole mess can be forgotten.
Part of forgetting the parts that need forgetting is my reintegration into the "real" world. I've done this enough times now to realize that I cannot do it by myself. I will need help. You'll never hear me ask, but I will need it from you. I'm not really sure in what form I'll need it, but I will. Just don't treat me any different than you did before.
I have rambled on for quite a while on this one. I have worked on this post for many days now trying to make it right. I can't help but wonder how many of you have given up on reading this blog and won't even see if before I get home. I tried to make things right.
Please be patient and understanding of me. (I'm not even sure what that means.)
Friday, September 30, 2011
Marine Corps Ninja Skills Continued
So apparently I did not hit save or publish or whatever the last time I wrote anything a few weeks ago. I had several other pictures included and a lot more typed up. Apparently it never made it to the publish post portion of this blog. I'm not exactly sure how or why.
At the time I was proud of the fact I had just completed all of my MCMAP training. Long story short...I completed my green belt training and went on to get my brown belt as well. Not as exciting now as it was then. All my bruises and minor flesh wounds are a thing of the past.
I'm glad to be done with it. I'm not really interested in a black belt.
At the time I was proud of the fact I had just completed all of my MCMAP training. Long story short...I completed my green belt training and went on to get my brown belt as well. Not as exciting now as it was then. All my bruises and minor flesh wounds are a thing of the past.
I'm glad to be done with it. I'm not really interested in a black belt.
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Marine Corps Ninja Skills
I left on this deployment with the goal of increasing in the Marine Corps Marital Arts Program. I finally got around to seeing to it. I started out this venture with a gray belt. (MCMAP belts tan-gray-green-brown-black) I haven't done any MCMAP in over 2 years, when I got my gray belt in Iraq. First things first...I got beat up more than I have in a long, long time. I finally tested out for my green belt.
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
I'm Still In Afghanistan
Stop telling me how close it's getting till I come home! Stop trying to get me to count down the days. I will not do it. I'm quickly growing tired of everyone saying how close I am to going home. It's almost as if it's said to comfort or reassure me. I need neither comfort nor reassurance. All I need to do is stay focused on the fact that I am still in Afghanistan and I have a job to do. When it comes time to leave, I will leave this place and attempt to think of it no longer. I will cherish the first embraces and kisses of my wife and children, as well as the rest of my family and friends, when that time comes. (No Benjamin, Donny, or Keith, do not expect a kiss from me. A bro-hug for sure, but no kiss.)
It's almost ridiculous to think about...you're telling me that I'm almost there, that I'm so close, but in reality I'm still 7,000 miles away from home, in Afghanistan!
You try it and see how close to home you feel.
It's almost ridiculous to think about...you're telling me that I'm almost there, that I'm so close, but in reality I'm still 7,000 miles away from home, in Afghanistan!
You try it and see how close to home you feel.
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Father and Daughters
Lately I have spent a lot of time thinking about my children. I am surrounded by reminders of them. At my office I have pictures that they have colored for me as well as the Father's Day card which has a picture of all of us. I also have the pictures we had taken prior to me deploying. In my room, right next to my bed, taped to the wall are the pictures that I had with each of the girls at Chuck E. Cheese's in Jacksonville, North Carolina, while I was doing predeployment training workups.
I am constantly checking Heidi's Facebook page for new pictures of the girls. I know that the children in the pictures are my own, but they are not the way that I remember them. I see my daughters growing up through photographs. It is a double-edged sword. On one hand I love seeing those bright blue eyes that all three of them inherited from their mother. I love seeing the expressions on their faces. It allows me to imagine what they are thinking or saying at the moment the picture was taken. I smile.
The other side of the sword often cuts deep. It reminds me of how very far away from them that I am. I see the things that they are doing and the places that they are going without me. It hurts that I'm not there with them. I miss giving hugs and butterfly kisses in our own secret, special way that no one else knows each night before they fall asleep.
That's the thing that I wonder about the most. I know reconnecting with the kids after a deployment is a challenge. Maybe not at first, but eventually there's some fallout of being gone for so long. Trust me, after a couple of deployments I have firsthand experience. It's the little things. When the kids get hurt they don't come to me, they go to Heidi. When the kids want some chocolate milk they don't go to me, they go to Heidi. When they are tired they don't want to lay on my lap, they lay on Heidi's. This time I wonder if Kennedy has grown to the age where she no longer needs butterfly kisses from her dad.
KK was just a baby when I left and returned the first time. She was a little older the last time. I don't think Reagan or McKinley have any recollection of my second deployment. I'm glad for that. I'd rather them not remember me being gone. This time though there is no way around it. Kennedy especially is at an age where she'll remember me being gone. The other two will hopefully forget over time. I hope that when they are older they will understand why I chose this job.
I try not to dwell on the what if's of returning. There are too many things more important than that mind game.
I miss my girls. More than they know. Even from the other side of the world, in the terrible place that I am, they bring a joy to my life that I cannot describe with words. I am about two months away from being with them again. To say that I can't wait would be an understatement.
I am constantly checking Heidi's Facebook page for new pictures of the girls. I know that the children in the pictures are my own, but they are not the way that I remember them. I see my daughters growing up through photographs. It is a double-edged sword. On one hand I love seeing those bright blue eyes that all three of them inherited from their mother. I love seeing the expressions on their faces. It allows me to imagine what they are thinking or saying at the moment the picture was taken. I smile.
The other side of the sword often cuts deep. It reminds me of how very far away from them that I am. I see the things that they are doing and the places that they are going without me. It hurts that I'm not there with them. I miss giving hugs and butterfly kisses in our own secret, special way that no one else knows each night before they fall asleep.
That's the thing that I wonder about the most. I know reconnecting with the kids after a deployment is a challenge. Maybe not at first, but eventually there's some fallout of being gone for so long. Trust me, after a couple of deployments I have firsthand experience. It's the little things. When the kids get hurt they don't come to me, they go to Heidi. When the kids want some chocolate milk they don't go to me, they go to Heidi. When they are tired they don't want to lay on my lap, they lay on Heidi's. This time I wonder if Kennedy has grown to the age where she no longer needs butterfly kisses from her dad.
KK was just a baby when I left and returned the first time. She was a little older the last time. I don't think Reagan or McKinley have any recollection of my second deployment. I'm glad for that. I'd rather them not remember me being gone. This time though there is no way around it. Kennedy especially is at an age where she'll remember me being gone. The other two will hopefully forget over time. I hope that when they are older they will understand why I chose this job.
I try not to dwell on the what if's of returning. There are too many things more important than that mind game.
I miss my girls. More than they know. Even from the other side of the world, in the terrible place that I am, they bring a joy to my life that I cannot describe with words. I am about two months away from being with them again. To say that I can't wait would be an understatement.
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
What To Talk About
I've been thinking all night tonight that I should have something to say. I should talk about something that's happened recently or some of the thoughts that I've had. Here's what I've come up with..........
I almost cut off my pointer finger on my left hand. Being that I'm left-handed, that probably would not have been really all that good for me. I didn't really almost cut it off, but I had a nasty gash about an inch and a half long. The really deep part was right next to the finger nail. The medical officer told me that if it hadn't been so close to the nail she would've put a few stitches in my finger. Instead they used this stuff called Dermabond, which is basically super glue to close the wound.
Good story, huh?
I almost cut off my pointer finger on my left hand. Being that I'm left-handed, that probably would not have been really all that good for me. I didn't really almost cut it off, but I had a nasty gash about an inch and a half long. The really deep part was right next to the finger nail. The medical officer told me that if it hadn't been so close to the nail she would've put a few stitches in my finger. Instead they used this stuff called Dermabond, which is basically super glue to close the wound.
Good story, huh?
Friday, August 5, 2011
Happy Anniversary
To My Wonderful Wife of 11 Years,
Like I mentioned on the phone tonight, unfortunately we have spent many anniversaries apart from each other due to the Marine Corps. I'd venture a guess we've been physically apart at least 5 of those 11 years due to a Marine Corps school or op or deployment somewhere.
Looking back I cannot say that we've really had any bad times together. We've gone through some things that weren't exactly fun, but we went through them together. We have both individually grown in different ways over the last decade+, but our relationship continues to grow together. I am excited to see what the next decade+ will bring.
You and I are blessed to share three beautiful daughters together. You know that the four of you mean the world to me. Thank you for being understanding and accepting of me and who I am. Thank you for not complaining about being apart for so many of our anniversaries. Even though it usually gets me out of buying an anniversary present or taking you out to dinner, you know I would I if could.
Today marks the passing of one more year and the start of another in our marriage. Here's to another year together.
You know I love you,
ASC
P.S.
It's less than two months to go...almost to the home stretch. Hang in there a little while longer!
Like I mentioned on the phone tonight, unfortunately we have spent many anniversaries apart from each other due to the Marine Corps. I'd venture a guess we've been physically apart at least 5 of those 11 years due to a Marine Corps school or op or deployment somewhere.
Looking back I cannot say that we've really had any bad times together. We've gone through some things that weren't exactly fun, but we went through them together. We have both individually grown in different ways over the last decade+, but our relationship continues to grow together. I am excited to see what the next decade+ will bring.
You and I are blessed to share three beautiful daughters together. You know that the four of you mean the world to me. Thank you for being understanding and accepting of me and who I am. Thank you for not complaining about being apart for so many of our anniversaries. Even though it usually gets me out of buying an anniversary present or taking you out to dinner, you know I would I if could.
Today marks the passing of one more year and the start of another in our marriage. Here's to another year together.You know I love you,
ASC
P.S.
It's less than two months to go...almost to the home stretch. Hang in there a little while longer!
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Set Me In Motion
All day today I was dreading what I knew I'd have to make myself do tonight. Yesterday I worked outside most of the day, in the 120+ temps. I was exhausted and dehydrated. I knew yesterday afternoon I would not be able to have a good workout being in the condition that I was in. Therefore I knew I had to make it happen today.
I work out at night. Anyone that knows me knows that I cannot get my butt out of bed in the mornings to save my life. Instead I start my workout routine around 8-8:30 at night. By this time it's cooled off to at least 110 degrees.
Lately I've been having more pain in my knees and ankles during and after my run. I have been extremely disappointed in my performance the last couple of weeks. I have not been able to get into a good rhythm while I'm running. The whole time I feel "off". My run times have been atrocious....the slowest pace I have ever run. The distances I've been running are shorter than what I expected to be running at this point. Overall I'm pretty bummed about the whole deal.
Tonight was not any different than most other nights. I couldn't have been a quarter mile down the road before I had to stop and walk a little because my knees where killing me. I walked it off and kept going, refusing to quit, even if it hurt me. I struggled along through the rest of mile 1. About a mile and half into my endeavor I was to turn around and head back. I couldn't get comfortable, my knees were on fire, and the effects of dehydration were kicking in. I tried to stave off the pain by throttling back a little. Not that I was blazing a trail by any means, but I slowed way down and started focusing on my breathing and my form.
About this time a certain song popped on my iPod. Yeah, yeah, I know it's against regulations to run with headphones on, but I'm a gunnery sergeant now...I do what I want to do! Back to the song...It was a song from the movie Backdraft. Bruce Hornsby's "Set Me In Motion." Whenever I hear the song it reminds me of the movie, which in turn reminds me of my old man. At that moment I got to thinking about running with my dad.
I'm not sure why I did it, but instead of turning around and the end of the road, I turned the corner and kept going. I had only planned on about 3 and a half mile run. Next thing I know I'm breezing through mile 4 and now mile 5. Okay, okay, I wasn't breezing through any of it. But thinking about the miles my dad has run over the years helped pushed me through mine tonight. I was in a comfortable rhythm and running at a comfortable pace. I was still feeling the effects of trying to run in the heat and being on the dehydrated side, but at least I had forgotten about the pain in my knees. I smartly wrapped it up somewhere around mile 6. I'm not sure how far it was exactly, but a lot farther than I intended when I started out.
I know if I had looked left or right I wouldn't not have seen anyone, but tonight I know that my dad was there with me every step of the way. Thanks for the run, Pops.
I work out at night. Anyone that knows me knows that I cannot get my butt out of bed in the mornings to save my life. Instead I start my workout routine around 8-8:30 at night. By this time it's cooled off to at least 110 degrees.
Lately I've been having more pain in my knees and ankles during and after my run. I have been extremely disappointed in my performance the last couple of weeks. I have not been able to get into a good rhythm while I'm running. The whole time I feel "off". My run times have been atrocious....the slowest pace I have ever run. The distances I've been running are shorter than what I expected to be running at this point. Overall I'm pretty bummed about the whole deal.
Tonight was not any different than most other nights. I couldn't have been a quarter mile down the road before I had to stop and walk a little because my knees where killing me. I walked it off and kept going, refusing to quit, even if it hurt me. I struggled along through the rest of mile 1. About a mile and half into my endeavor I was to turn around and head back. I couldn't get comfortable, my knees were on fire, and the effects of dehydration were kicking in. I tried to stave off the pain by throttling back a little. Not that I was blazing a trail by any means, but I slowed way down and started focusing on my breathing and my form.
About this time a certain song popped on my iPod. Yeah, yeah, I know it's against regulations to run with headphones on, but I'm a gunnery sergeant now...I do what I want to do! Back to the song...It was a song from the movie Backdraft. Bruce Hornsby's "Set Me In Motion." Whenever I hear the song it reminds me of the movie, which in turn reminds me of my old man. At that moment I got to thinking about running with my dad.
I'm not sure why I did it, but instead of turning around and the end of the road, I turned the corner and kept going. I had only planned on about 3 and a half mile run. Next thing I know I'm breezing through mile 4 and now mile 5. Okay, okay, I wasn't breezing through any of it. But thinking about the miles my dad has run over the years helped pushed me through mine tonight. I was in a comfortable rhythm and running at a comfortable pace. I was still feeling the effects of trying to run in the heat and being on the dehydrated side, but at least I had forgotten about the pain in my knees. I smartly wrapped it up somewhere around mile 6. I'm not sure how far it was exactly, but a lot farther than I intended when I started out.
I know if I had looked left or right I wouldn't not have seen anyone, but tonight I know that my dad was there with me every step of the way. Thanks for the run, Pops.
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Keep On Keeping On
I haven't really felt like writing a lot lately. I'm still pretty upset about my friend Scott. I'm pretty much over the shock of it. Now the sadness and loss has set in. It hurts that I won't be able to be there for his viewing or his funeral. It hurts that I remember telling him that I'd see him later the last time we saw each other. I've known other people that were killed or wounded in Iraq, but Scott was a buddy. Words cannot express everything, I guess.
Time heals all wounds, they say. We'll see. Keep on keeping on, as my lil sister would tell me.
My good friend Tim recently was in charge of a recovery mission on the north side of Marjeh. I know he was stressed to the max trying to stay safe, keep his Marines safe, and get the job done. I had no doubt in my mind that he would accomplish all three of those things. Knowing him the way that I do I was thankful that they had a fairly uneventful trip. Tim's not the one to walk away from a fight. Needless to say I was relieved when I saw him the other morning, back at Dwyer. I don't think I could handle anything happening to another friend this go round.
So anyways....what's new for me? I finished up a pretty high visibility project in the last week. I'm pretty stoked about that. I was working 18-19 hour days for a while trying to keep up. It was definitely a good distraction from all that was going on around me. In retrospect I cannot believe how quickly the last 6 weeks have gone. I even got to sleep in the other day. That was something I've not had the chance to do since arriving in Afghanistan back in March.
I'm taking it a day at a time. That's all I can do, I suppose. I look forward to crawling into my rack each night. That signifies the end of another day. That's what I looked forward to the most each day.
At this stage of the deployment I think I've reached the halfway point. Halfway home! Not close enough! Keep on keeping on!
Time heals all wounds, they say. We'll see. Keep on keeping on, as my lil sister would tell me.
My good friend Tim recently was in charge of a recovery mission on the north side of Marjeh. I know he was stressed to the max trying to stay safe, keep his Marines safe, and get the job done. I had no doubt in my mind that he would accomplish all three of those things. Knowing him the way that I do I was thankful that they had a fairly uneventful trip. Tim's not the one to walk away from a fight. Needless to say I was relieved when I saw him the other morning, back at Dwyer. I don't think I could handle anything happening to another friend this go round.
So anyways....what's new for me? I finished up a pretty high visibility project in the last week. I'm pretty stoked about that. I was working 18-19 hour days for a while trying to keep up. It was definitely a good distraction from all that was going on around me. In retrospect I cannot believe how quickly the last 6 weeks have gone. I even got to sleep in the other day. That was something I've not had the chance to do since arriving in Afghanistan back in March.I'm taking it a day at a time. That's all I can do, I suppose. I look forward to crawling into my rack each night. That signifies the end of another day. That's what I looked forward to the most each day.
At this stage of the deployment I think I've reached the halfway point. Halfway home! Not close enough! Keep on keeping on!
Saturday, June 18, 2011
My Friend Scott Smith
I write tonight with a heavy heart. My day started off with a message from my buddy Matt informing me that another friend, Scott Smith, was killed in action yesterday in Khowst Province, Afghanistan.
Scott was a Marine. He honorably served an enlistment as a Marine combat engineer. A few years back Scott was interested in coming back into the Marine Corps, this time as a reservist. He even came out to get a tour from me on a drill weekend. For whatever reason, Scott chose not to enlist into the Marine Corps Reserve at that time. Instead he decided to join the Indiana National Guard. This guy was the most patriotic individual I’ve ever met. All he wanted to do was serve his country in a time of war. He volunteered for deployment after deployment, finally landing a spot on one to Afghanistan.
It hurts me now to remember back how much Scott admired me for the previous deployments I’ve made. I admired him 10 times moreover. He had already served his time. He was a little older, not in as good of shape, and had three daughters that he was responsible for. He made that decision to come back into the military for the sole purpose of deploying to Iraq or Afghanistan and doing his part.
Sunday, June 12, 2011
My Civilians
I wish that I had a dollar for every comment or conversation I've had defending my civilian contractors. Too many Marines are quick to say they are out here strictly to make a quick buck. I've had way too many Marines comment on how much money these guys are making out here.
Today we had 2 of our civilians in an IED strike. One of them walked away shaken up. The other I spent a few minutes talking to in the ICU. He is being medevaced out of the country.
I guarentee you that those guys deserve more money than they currently make! Anyone that says otherwise is just a plain fool.
Today we had 2 of our civilians in an IED strike. One of them walked away shaken up. The other I spent a few minutes talking to in the ICU. He is being medevaced out of the country.
I guarentee you that those guys deserve more money than they currently make! Anyone that says otherwise is just a plain fool.
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
If You Don't Have Anything Nice to Say
I haven't really had a whole lot to say lately...mostly on purpose. I'm trying to stick with the old saying, "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." I can be silent no longer.
How do I answer when someone back home asks "how's it going?" Here's the conversation that rolls through my head when I'm asked that question:
"Hey, Aaron, how's it going?"
"Ah, not too bad. I looked inside a blown up truck today. Saw the blood splatter and bone chips still stuck to the walls. Other than that, ya know, going great. How's it going for you?"
Of course that's not what I say or what I write back in the email. No one really wants to know the real answers to some of the standard questions thrown out there. Trust me, you do not want to hear about it. (Note: if you've asked me this question please don't think this is directed at you...it's not)
I am growing more and more disgusted with this horrible place as the days go by. It saddens me that I feel this way. Shouldn't I still believe in why we're here? Let me answer that one for you....I don't! These people don't want us here. They will never be what we want them to be. How much longer will we have a presence here? How many more Marines, soldiers, sailors, or airmen are going to be hurt or killed before we're out of this mess? Too long and too many, I'm afraid. I wish I at least knew the name's of the guys in that truck.
I'm sorry if this isn't what you wanted to read about. I needed to vent.
How do I answer when someone back home asks "how's it going?" Here's the conversation that rolls through my head when I'm asked that question:
"Hey, Aaron, how's it going?"
"Ah, not too bad. I looked inside a blown up truck today. Saw the blood splatter and bone chips still stuck to the walls. Other than that, ya know, going great. How's it going for you?"
Of course that's not what I say or what I write back in the email. No one really wants to know the real answers to some of the standard questions thrown out there. Trust me, you do not want to hear about it. (Note: if you've asked me this question please don't think this is directed at you...it's not)
I am growing more and more disgusted with this horrible place as the days go by. It saddens me that I feel this way. Shouldn't I still believe in why we're here? Let me answer that one for you....I don't! These people don't want us here. They will never be what we want them to be. How much longer will we have a presence here? How many more Marines, soldiers, sailors, or airmen are going to be hurt or killed before we're out of this mess? Too long and too many, I'm afraid. I wish I at least knew the name's of the guys in that truck.
I'm sorry if this isn't what you wanted to read about. I needed to vent.
Monday, May 9, 2011
Heidi
It never ceases to amaze me how lucky I am to be married to the woman that I am. I have three little ones that amplify that for me. Every time I read about or hear a story about the heart my children have I think about how they got it from their mother.
I was not able to spend Heidi's very first Mother's Day with her and baby K-K. I was busy invading Iraq. Now, here I sit again, unable to spend her special day with her, in Afghanistan this time. Most wives wouldn't put up with husbands like me.
My babies' mama. The bearer of my children. There's not another person out there that I'd rather be with. She is an awesome friend, wife, and mother. I don't tell her that often enough.
I was not able to spend Heidi's very first Mother's Day with her and baby K-K. I was busy invading Iraq. Now, here I sit again, unable to spend her special day with her, in Afghanistan this time. Most wives wouldn't put up with husbands like me.
My babies' mama. The bearer of my children. There's not another person out there that I'd rather be with. She is an awesome friend, wife, and mother. I don't tell her that often enough.
Friday, May 6, 2011
Mrs. Conger Was Not Too Happy
Mrs. Conger was not too happy to hear that I'd recently been traveling the Afghan countryside. She knew that I was going to be off Dwyer but she did not know of my final destination, or how I was getting there. When she asked how I was getting there I was completely honest with what I did tell her. I told her that I would be flying to the Marjeh area. What I purposefully left out was the convoy to the patrol base that I was going to be working from for a few days. It was one of those times I felt the need to not speak the entire truth. I knew that Heidi would worry more than normal if she knew I was out and about in trucks.
All went well and was quiet. I experienced the Afghan countryside in and around the Marjeh area. I wish I could post a lot more pictures, but I cannot do so on this forum due to operational security concerns.
All went well and was quiet. I experienced the Afghan countryside in and around the Marjeh area. I wish I could post a lot more pictures, but I cannot do so on this forum due to operational security concerns.
This was the first convoy that I was a part of since the invasion of Iraq, just over 8 years ago. This time I was in a fully armored MRAP and a MATV. Both of those trucks can take a walloping and everyone still walks away. They are truly amazing vehicles.
All said and done it was good to get out for a bit. I do not like sitting behind a desk. It definitely broke up the monotony of daily routine out here. I know that if were up to Heidi I would stay put for the next six months! The risk was definitely worth it though. The purpose of the trip was to assist the grunts in their job of hunting down the enemy. I helped give them some pretty cool tools to be able to do what they do a little better.
Please Don't Send Gummy Rings
I do love these things, but please do not send me gummy rings. The daytime temperatures are now over a hundred degrees. It's higher than that inside the metal shipping containers our mail is stored in.
I'm not sure if I'm brave enough to try it as is.
Also please no Skittles. Those will be immediately thrown away.
I'm not sure if I'm brave enough to try it as is.
Also please no Skittles. Those will be immediately thrown away.
I know, my love, it's the thought that counts!
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Same Moon
I've been in Afghanistan for a month now. Hard to believe.
Heidi's blog last week included a picture of the moon.
Every night I walk from work back to my can under the same moon.
You can't really tell in my picture (my $90 Fujifilm camera isn't quite like Heidi's), but way in the background it's the same moon a couple of nights after she took her picture.
It's the one thing that we can share in common. It's about the only commonality between Afghanistan and Indiana. Some nights it makes me feel a little closer to home. Other nights it reminds me of just how far away I really am.
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
13 Things About Heidi
13 years together, almost 11 in marriage. 9 different vehicles, an apartment and a house. 3 different universities. 8 jobs between the two of us. Me to Iraq twice, currently in Afghanistan. My favorite - the 3 beautiful, smart, funny offspring we share together.
Heidi and I have shared a lot of things together. Here are just 13 quick things that you may or may not know about her.
1.) Heidi is the most creative person I’ve ever met. She’s also the most thoughtful. She has the ability to turn the simplest idea into some pretty fancy luggage tags. When she does something like this, it has not only a practical use, but it has a deeper, special meaning.
2.) Heidi has a serious problem…her obsession with Burt’s Bees chapstick is beyond ridiculous. I would rather listen to all the mean things she says while she’s in labor than have her around without her chapstick…sorry, not just chapstick, but Burt’s Bees.
3.) If it were not for the Garmin GPS I’m not sure Heidi would know how to navigate any
where.
4.) I may have had several speeding tickets, but I’ve never tried to run over a tree in the middle of the road…in a Dodge Neon.
5.) Heidi can rarely sit down and watch a movie in it’s entirety. She either falls asleep 20 minutes into it, or she is grading papers or folding laundry or anything else besides watching.
6.) Heidi has not been officially diagnosed, but in my professional opinion she becomes narcoleptic between the hours of 8-930 pm. It stops after 930 because she’s usually already passed out by then.
7.) Heidi is a terrific teacher. She has helped dozens of her students become published poets. (She is twice published herself, by the way.) She started a poetry coffeehouse and a Veteran’s Day program at school. She is impacting the lives of America’s youth in and out of the classroom, teaching them not only hyperboles, participle phrases, and Shakespeare, but some life lessons along the way.
8.) Heidi will not try new foods…especially if that food once upon a time lived in any type of water.
9.) Heidi will never be allowed to clean behind the refrigerator without my permission and my presence. She didn’t understand that you can’t just shove the thing back against the wall without first making sure you’re not going to crush the power cord, resulting in a huge black spark up the wall, a tripped breaker, a trip to the gas station to get ice, a lot of research to find someone that carried a replacement power cable, a $75 replacement power cable, and who knows how much time spent replacing a stupid power cable that was crushed when she just shoved the thing against the wall.
10.) Heidi rarely will take a mid-day nap. This is usually to my benefit on Sunday afternoons. After all, someone has to watch the kids.
11.) She is a wonderful mother of three beautiful children. Those three kids are beautiful not only on the outside, but on the inside as well, of which Heidi has had a huge part in developing. They do not yet realize how fortunate they are to have the mom that they do. One day they will.
12.) Heidi has no idea how blessed her husband is for having her. She is not told often enough how much she is loved and appreciated. I have put her through a lot in the decade we’ve been married. There’s no one out there that I’d rather spend the rest of my life with. Maybe that wasn't really a fact about Heidi, but still wanted to throw it in there.
13.) Heidi knows how to play the piano, although she doesn't play it often enough.
Bonus: Okay, I did almost accidentally push Heidi into a pool of like 20 sharks on our honeymoon. It’s only because she was partially leaning over the edge to get a closer look and when I grabbed her she about jumped in. Heidi definitely screamed. Would you believe that out of all the people there I was the only one who laughed? I still laugh. They were only nurse sharks.
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Groundhog Day
Every day is like Groundhog Day. Especially out here. You no longer have a meaning for "Monday" or "Tuesday" or the other five days. Seven days a week, every day being the same as the previous.
Today I saw Reagan through some Facebook pictures. I love seeing pictures of my girls. As much as it's good to see them, it makes me miss them that much more. I see how quickly they are growing up without me being there. They are transforming from my little girls to little people, and I can only see it through photographs. That's hard to take as a parent, especially when it was my choice to do this.
My sister sent me a message saying she's been thinking about me and that she misses me. That quick line came at a much needed time...it's been a long couple of days. Only a little over 200 more to go...
Today I saw Reagan through some Facebook pictures. I love seeing pictures of my girls. As much as it's good to see them, it makes me miss them that much more. I see how quickly they are growing up without me being there. They are transforming from my little girls to little people, and I can only see it through photographs. That's hard to take as a parent, especially when it was my choice to do this.
My sister sent me a message saying she's been thinking about me and that she misses me. That quick line came at a much needed time...it's been a long couple of days. Only a little over 200 more to go...
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Day 1 of the Battlestache
Needless to say it’s been an interesting couple of weeks. I started off in North Carolina and now I’m in Afghanistan. Over the course of my travels I’ve flown up the Atlantic coastline and across Europe. The airplane we were flying in was chartered from an airline I won’t mention. For the first time in my life I was able to kick it in 1st class! Talk about the way to travel! Not long after takeoff the pilot came on and invited us into the cockpit at any point during the flight. A couple of hours into the flight I decided to take him up on his offer. Over the next hour I sat in the cockpit of this ginormous plane as we departed the Canadian coastline to head over the Atlantic Ocean bound for Germany. Those guys do not realize how awesome of job they really have. That view was incredible at 35,000 feet in the air. I don’t think I’d ever tire of that being my office. Being in communications, the pilot was sure to brief me on all the comm systems available in the cockpit. Towards the end of my stay up front the pilot asked if there was anybody I wanted to call from the cockpit. Of course I called Heidi. It was definitely a once in a lifetime opportunity to talk to my wife over a VHF radio system cruising at 35,000 feet somewhere over the Atlantic Ocean. Pretty cool!
We had a couple hour layover in Hahn, Germany while our plane was being refueled. Nothing spectacular to report about Deutschland.
We then landed in the former Russian republic of Kyrgyzstan. This place was definitely intriguing to me. Once upon a time it was part of the USSR. The people look like a mix of Asia and European, and speak Russian. There was snow on the ground and it was extremely cold out. Off in the distance rose mountains that are connected to the Himalayas to the south. Manas is the point of entry for US and coalition forces entering into Afghanistan. I look forward to seeing Manas again…this time as the point of departure.
We loaded up on Air Force C-17s for our flight into Camp Leatherneck, Afghanistan. Nothing too exciting. The flight wasn’t too long and was extremely smooth…no combat landing this time.
After debarking the plane and heading to the AGDAG (military airport terminal) I happened to walk right by a Marine captain that I went to high school with. I graduated with his brother. It was good to run into Greg Scott. Not too long after running into him, I ran into my old buddy, another Marine captain, Jared Farnsworth. He was just finishing up his tour and heading home the next morning. I’ve always enjoyed my time spent with Jared. We go a long ways back.
Later that day, as we were getting settled into Leatherneck, I ran into a few more old buddies. Those guys were from my unit back home. SSgt Cotter, Sgt Hughes, Cpl Chesty, Cpl Arthur, Cpl Renninger, LCpl Terry, and LCpl Warner. It was good to see those guys too, and it was sweeter for them to see me…it meant they were that much closer to going home. It was also good to run into Dave Houseman from my last deployment.
Now down to business…I’ve had my meet and greet time. After time spent on the firing range and on the counter IED range I was ready to get my turnover from the Marine I was going to replacing. I hopped on a C-130 and flew down to Camp Dwyer, Afghanistan, in southern Helmand Province.
I’ve rambled on for long enough, so I won’t get into details of what I’m doing out here just yet. I am set up extremely well with work and living areas. I even have a 4-legged friend I’ve been spending about an hour a day with.
It’s getting hot here…saw a thermometer yesterday that said 110. Granted it was right in the sun, but so was I! My face, ears, back of my neck, and hands are all burnt and peeling.
Certain traditions occur while on a deployment that do not happen back in the States. The greatest of these traditions being what I will call the “battlestache.” It goes by many other names: combatstache, deploymentstache, or just plain mustache. Today is day 1 for me. I have begun the time honored tradition of growing a mean battlestache. Since it is only day 1, I will spare you the picture proof…that will come in a few weeks when it has grown hideously out of control.
For now, that's my side of the story...more to follow later. And don't worry, I will definitely be sure to include some photos of the battlestache as it grows in.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
The Day Has Finally Arrived
Finally! The day has finally arrived. I've waited, not very patiently, for this day to get here. It's a double-edged sword, you see. I wish away time so that this day will come. I try to enjoy all the simple pleasures that I have day in, day out, trying not to take them for granted. Win-win. Lose-lose. I don't know. It's hard to say either way.
I've slept with a stuffed bear next to my head for the last four months. I slept on the same pillow that Heidi used while she was here a month ago. The scent faded a couple of weeks ago, but the spots from her hair coloring were a reminder.
To my friends and family: I know this is falling on deaf ears, but do not worry. In fact it is I that should be worrying about you. You all have a greater chance of something happening every time you get in your vehicle. I'm treating it as a walk in the park...so should you.
K-K, Brutus, & Pester: I do not feel whole when I'm not with you girls. Be good for your mother. I love you, girls.
Heidi: I've never been good with words when it comes to this point. I'll simply leave it at I'll talk to you later. Hang in there, dear, you're stronger than you think you are. I love you.
See you all on the flip side.
I've slept with a stuffed bear next to my head for the last four months. I slept on the same pillow that Heidi used while she was here a month ago. The scent faded a couple of weeks ago, but the spots from her hair coloring were a reminder.
To my friends and family: I know this is falling on deaf ears, but do not worry. In fact it is I that should be worrying about you. You all have a greater chance of something happening every time you get in your vehicle. I'm treating it as a walk in the park...so should you.
K-K, Brutus, & Pester: I do not feel whole when I'm not with you girls. Be good for your mother. I love you, girls.
Heidi: I've never been good with words when it comes to this point. I'll simply leave it at I'll talk to you later. Hang in there, dear, you're stronger than you think you are. I love you.
See you all on the flip side.
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Going to the Movies
I went to see a movie today. It looked pretty funny in the previews and I thought it'd be one of the last chances I had to go see a movie until after I return. The downside to it was that I was going alone. No friends to go with and certainly no wife close by I could take. (I'm talking about my wife, by the way.)
The movie was okay. It made me realize that not only do I have an affinity for 80's music, but I'm pretty sure most of my dance moves came from that decade as well. I realized one thing in particular. Funny movies are not as funny if you don't have someone with you to laugh with. Today was a day that I just really missed being around my wife.
The movie was okay. It made me realize that not only do I have an affinity for 80's music, but I'm pretty sure most of my dance moves came from that decade as well. I realized one thing in particular. Funny movies are not as funny if you don't have someone with you to laugh with. Today was a day that I just really missed being around my wife.
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Leaving Soon
I'm leaving soon. I'm not entirely sure when, just an approximate date. The closer that day comes the more real it feels that I am leaving again. Nearly four months ago when this whole thing started again it seemed so far off. Now, it's right around the corner. It's safe to say that I have not enjoyed my time out here in North Carolina prior to deploying. On most days I'm a pretty grumpy individual, just bitter on a good one...bitter and grumpy on bad ones. The past week has made me slow down a little. All I've wanted to do the last few months was to get to Afghanistan. I've come to realize that as much as I do not like it out here in North Carolina I need to slow down and appreciate the small things that are easily taken for granted. For example, I can pick up the phone and call my girls anytime I want. I can send texts to my wife throughout the day (of course since she is a teacher busy teaching today's youth she does not answer them until after working hours!). I can enjoy network television and free wifi. These are just a few things that I know I'll be without here very soon.
A little bit about where I'm going: Afghanistan
You may or may not be bored to tears if I got into the history leading up to current times. I do challenge you to read some history on the country though.
Where I'll be specifically: I won't say for now, just trying to practice some semblance of operational security. I will tell you that I'll be Helmand Province. Helmand Province is located in southern Afghanistan and is roughly 22,000 square miles in size (a little smaller than West Virginia). The population is estimated at somewhere around 1.4 million. Most of the population is comprised of Sunni Muslims. The predominant language for the province is Pashto. Temperatures for the region can be below freezing in the winter and up to 120 degrees in the summer.
Helmand Province is reportedly the world's largest opium producing area. Approximately 90% of world's opium comes from Afghanistan. So if any of you would like some heroin while I'm there, just let me know and I'll see what I can do.
Currently the military mission in Helmand Province is a NATO mission. Military forces from the United States are joined by those from the United Kingdom, Canada, Denmark, France (surprising, huh), Estonia, Georgia, and the Netherlands.
Note: I was kidding about the heroin. No, really, just let me know.
Map found at: http://www.csmonitor.com/var/ezflow_site/storage/images/media/map-afghanistan-s-helmand-province/7148442-1-eng-US/Map-Afghanistan-s-Helmand-Province_full_600.jpg
A little bit about where I'm going: Afghanistan
You may or may not be bored to tears if I got into the history leading up to current times. I do challenge you to read some history on the country though.
Where I'll be specifically: I won't say for now, just trying to practice some semblance of operational security. I will tell you that I'll be Helmand Province. Helmand Province is located in southern Afghanistan and is roughly 22,000 square miles in size (a little smaller than West Virginia). The population is estimated at somewhere around 1.4 million. Most of the population is comprised of Sunni Muslims. The predominant language for the province is Pashto. Temperatures for the region can be below freezing in the winter and up to 120 degrees in the summer.
Helmand Province is reportedly the world's largest opium producing area. Approximately 90% of world's opium comes from Afghanistan. So if any of you would like some heroin while I'm there, just let me know and I'll see what I can do.
Currently the military mission in Helmand Province is a NATO mission. Military forces from the United States are joined by those from the United Kingdom, Canada, Denmark, France (surprising, huh), Estonia, Georgia, and the Netherlands.
Note: I was kidding about the heroin. No, really, just let me know.
Map found at: http://www.csmonitor.com/var/ezflow_site/storage/images/media/map-afghanistan-s-helmand-province/7148442-1-eng-US/Map-Afghanistan-s-Helmand-Province_full_600.jpg
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Great Minds Think Alike
I'd be remiss to say that I've been just a little down since yesterday afternoon. I drove the twenty minutes from the airport back to my hotel in silence. I've talked about how hard it is to say my goodbyes, and I've just said my last one in person that I have to make. A part of me is relieved that I'm done with it. I've only had to say goodbyes to Heidi four times now. It's gotten rather old doing so. Each time it's gotten a little harder.
I'm thankful that I have a wife that understands me the way she does. Over the course of the weekend it came up in conversation that I was not going home on "block leave." For those of you who do not know what that is, it's the amount of time that we are allowed prior to deploying overseas. I was not going to volunteer the information to Heidi that I was voluntarily choosing to not take any block leave to go home one last time. I figured that she would assume that if I had the opportunity to come home that I'd be there in a heartbeat. I figured she'd be upset with me for not wanting to come home. When she found out about it, she understood without having to ask why I'd made the decision that I had made. She knew that I am ready to go. My bags are packed, I've said my goodbyes, and I'm just ready to get there to get the clock started.
I don't fully understand my own rationale sometimes. Why on earth would I not want to see my little ones one last time while I have the opportunity. Why wouldn't I want to sleep in my own bed, with my own pillow, one last time. (I'm assuming that I still have the same pillow, that is unless someone stole it....AGAIN!) Why wouldn't I want to spend time with those that I love. I cannot describe it with words other than to simply say that I am mentally prepared to deploy again and I can't change that. The next airplane I get on is the one taking me to the other side of the world.
Riding in silence yesterday, and sitting in my quiet hotel room yesterday and today has afforded me the opportunity to reflect on how blessed I am being allowed the time I have with those that I have. I know that if you'd ask her Heidi would say she's the fortunate one, or the lucky one, or whatever else, for being married to me. I'm not quite sure I agree with her on that one. She definitely puts up with more than I realize. She makes more sacrifices than I care to admit. She carries more of a burden than any husband should put on his wife. She wouldn't tell anybody any of that, but it's true.
I sat down today to compile my thoughts into some fashion that is this blog. I decided to check Heidi's blog before doing so. The words and actions of my wife never cease to humble me. She always seems to put me back in my place and to refocus my priorities. I always kick myself for taking so long to realize how truly fortunate and blessed I am for having Heidi. I am definitely a better man for having Heidi as my wife.
You say you just miss me...I know how you feel.
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I cannot remember if I've plugged Heidi's blog. For her side of the story check out musings.
I'm thankful that I have a wife that understands me the way she does. Over the course of the weekend it came up in conversation that I was not going home on "block leave." For those of you who do not know what that is, it's the amount of time that we are allowed prior to deploying overseas. I was not going to volunteer the information to Heidi that I was voluntarily choosing to not take any block leave to go home one last time. I figured that she would assume that if I had the opportunity to come home that I'd be there in a heartbeat. I figured she'd be upset with me for not wanting to come home. When she found out about it, she understood without having to ask why I'd made the decision that I had made. She knew that I am ready to go. My bags are packed, I've said my goodbyes, and I'm just ready to get there to get the clock started.
I don't fully understand my own rationale sometimes. Why on earth would I not want to see my little ones one last time while I have the opportunity. Why wouldn't I want to sleep in my own bed, with my own pillow, one last time. (I'm assuming that I still have the same pillow, that is unless someone stole it....AGAIN!) Why wouldn't I want to spend time with those that I love. I cannot describe it with words other than to simply say that I am mentally prepared to deploy again and I can't change that. The next airplane I get on is the one taking me to the other side of the world.
Riding in silence yesterday, and sitting in my quiet hotel room yesterday and today has afforded me the opportunity to reflect on how blessed I am being allowed the time I have with those that I have. I know that if you'd ask her Heidi would say she's the fortunate one, or the lucky one, or whatever else, for being married to me. I'm not quite sure I agree with her on that one. She definitely puts up with more than I realize. She makes more sacrifices than I care to admit. She carries more of a burden than any husband should put on his wife. She wouldn't tell anybody any of that, but it's true.
I sat down today to compile my thoughts into some fashion that is this blog. I decided to check Heidi's blog before doing so. The words and actions of my wife never cease to humble me. She always seems to put me back in my place and to refocus my priorities. I always kick myself for taking so long to realize how truly fortunate and blessed I am for having Heidi. I am definitely a better man for having Heidi as my wife.
You say you just miss me...I know how you feel.
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I cannot remember if I've plugged Heidi's blog. For her side of the story check out musings.
Friday, February 11, 2011
Greatest Generation
I've recently watched the HBO series "The Pacific." For those of you not familiar with it, it's about the United States Marines during World War 2. The series briefly touches on three and a half years of the island hopping campaign as much as a couple hours of a drama possibly could. All the way from Guadalcanal to Okinawa, and back home again. The show portrays the Marines that are idolized in today's Corps. These were the men that solidified the purpose of the Marine Corps. These were the men that Admiral Chester Nimitz heroized when he said "Uncommon valor was a common virtue."
My grandfather was a veteran of the South Pacific. He never really talked about it. Few of you could understand. Those of you who cannot, count yourselves blessed. I know that by the very few stories he'd tell that he experienced the horrible things that men do to one another in war.
I understand why he never talked about those things. Those stories are not ones that are brought up sitting around the camp fire let alone some idle Thursday night sitting around in the living room. There are some stories I will never tell. There are stories that I've regretting telling and wish I could take back so that no one else knows them. There are memories that I will remain silent about for the rest of my life...as it should be.
I never had the chance to tell my grandpa how much in awe of his military service I am. Not just him, but my Great-Uncle Jack as well. He too is a veteran of the South Pacific. I never tire of listening to him talk about his days during World War 2. I respect and admire him more than he'll ever know. I certainly look forward to getting back home to see him again.
I'm not really sure where I'm going with all of this. It's mostly just a feeble attempt on my part to let you know how much I respect and admire our Greatest Generation, namely those that I'm fortunate enough to be related to.
Before I wrap this up tonight I will pass on this short story that my grandpa told me about on a few rare occasions when he'd talk about the war. His unit was on a train moving from southern Australia to northern Australia in preparation for the taking back of New Guinea from the Japanese. As they were moving along my grandpa, as well as many of the other men, were firing their rifles and pistols at the kangaroos that were hopping parallel to the train. My favorite part of the story wasn't the story itself. It was always the mischievous twinkle in his eyes when he'd tell it to me. I certainly miss him.
My grandfather was a veteran of the South Pacific. He never really talked about it. Few of you could understand. Those of you who cannot, count yourselves blessed. I know that by the very few stories he'd tell that he experienced the horrible things that men do to one another in war.
I understand why he never talked about those things. Those stories are not ones that are brought up sitting around the camp fire let alone some idle Thursday night sitting around in the living room. There are some stories I will never tell. There are stories that I've regretting telling and wish I could take back so that no one else knows them. There are memories that I will remain silent about for the rest of my life...as it should be.
I never had the chance to tell my grandpa how much in awe of his military service I am. Not just him, but my Great-Uncle Jack as well. He too is a veteran of the South Pacific. I never tire of listening to him talk about his days during World War 2. I respect and admire him more than he'll ever know. I certainly look forward to getting back home to see him again.
I'm not really sure where I'm going with all of this. It's mostly just a feeble attempt on my part to let you know how much I respect and admire our Greatest Generation, namely those that I'm fortunate enough to be related to.
Before I wrap this up tonight I will pass on this short story that my grandpa told me about on a few rare occasions when he'd talk about the war. His unit was on a train moving from southern Australia to northern Australia in preparation for the taking back of New Guinea from the Japanese. As they were moving along my grandpa, as well as many of the other men, were firing their rifles and pistols at the kangaroos that were hopping parallel to the train. My favorite part of the story wasn't the story itself. It was always the mischievous twinkle in his eyes when he'd tell it to me. I certainly miss him.
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Parting Moments
I haven't really felt like blogging the last couple of weeks or so. My thoughts keep going back to my last hug with Kennedy. It has been a memory that as soon as it comes up I have to quickly move to another thought or my eyes begin to tear up. It's always hard leaving saying goodbye to the girls. This time was definitely different for me. I knew that this was the last time I'd see them till I returned from Afghanistan.
I knew that when K-K didn't break her embrace that something was wrong. Then I could hear her start crying. Absolutely broke my heart. Words were difficult with Kennedy. She, unlike her sisters, is way too aware of what potential dangers lie ahead for me. It's hard knowing that she's growing up so quickly.
It's taken me a couple days to put these thoughts in writing. In the meantime I've kept myself busy writing. As I've done for all my past deployments, I painfully and tearfully put together my "Just In Case" letters for each of the girls. Those have always been difficult to write. You never realize how hard it is to put words on paper that are supposed to represent a lifetime of advice, wishes, and expressions of love. Try it some time. I guarantee it will remind you how truly blessed you are to have the children you do. You'll better appreciate the time you are with them. You'll wish you could go back and read "Goodnight, Moon" just one more time to them as they sit in your lap. Anyways...I will hold on to my letters. I certainly do not anticipate them being needed, but I wanted to be fully prepared. I will hang on to them and let the girls have them when they're older.
It's taken me a dozen nights of sitting in front of the computer to put the previous three short paragraphs together. I've typed sentence after sentence only to end up deleting it. At this point I need to finish these jumbled thoughts.
I keep going back to Kennedy crying as I'm holding her, Reagan already counting down the days till November, and McKinley telling me that she misses me. I miss my girls more than these black characters on a white background can ever spell out.
The "firsts" that we all got to share together while Heidi and the girls were in North Carolina were ones that I will forever remember and forever cherish. Their first time in a hotel room, on a vacation for that matter. Going bowling and spending time on a battleship. Splashing in the Atlantic Ocean and picking up loads of seashells. Reagan talking to the seagulls. Heidi and her tank crossing signs. Kennedy constantly wanting to go prank Uncle Tim down the hall. McKinley being her "normal" self (those of you who know her know what I mean!).
Since I left in November I've said goodbye to them four times. One when I left for predeployment training in Quantico. Two when I left for Camp Lejeune. Three when I came back to Camp Lejeune after Christmas and New Year's leave. The fourth was a few weeks ago when they departed North Carolina after spending the long weekend out here with me. Number four was definitely the hardest.
I knew that when K-K didn't break her embrace that something was wrong. Then I could hear her start crying. Absolutely broke my heart. Words were difficult with Kennedy. She, unlike her sisters, is way too aware of what potential dangers lie ahead for me. It's hard knowing that she's growing up so quickly.
It's taken me a couple days to put these thoughts in writing. In the meantime I've kept myself busy writing. As I've done for all my past deployments, I painfully and tearfully put together my "Just In Case" letters for each of the girls. Those have always been difficult to write. You never realize how hard it is to put words on paper that are supposed to represent a lifetime of advice, wishes, and expressions of love. Try it some time. I guarantee it will remind you how truly blessed you are to have the children you do. You'll better appreciate the time you are with them. You'll wish you could go back and read "Goodnight, Moon" just one more time to them as they sit in your lap. Anyways...I will hold on to my letters. I certainly do not anticipate them being needed, but I wanted to be fully prepared. I will hang on to them and let the girls have them when they're older.
It's taken me a dozen nights of sitting in front of the computer to put the previous three short paragraphs together. I've typed sentence after sentence only to end up deleting it. At this point I need to finish these jumbled thoughts.
I keep going back to Kennedy crying as I'm holding her, Reagan already counting down the days till November, and McKinley telling me that she misses me. I miss my girls more than these black characters on a white background can ever spell out.
Since I left in November I've said goodbye to them four times. One when I left for predeployment training in Quantico. Two when I left for Camp Lejeune. Three when I came back to Camp Lejeune after Christmas and New Year's leave. The fourth was a few weeks ago when they departed North Carolina after spending the long weekend out here with me. Number four was definitely the hardest.
Monday, January 10, 2011
Snow Day
Last night I was informed that we were on a two hour delay for reporting to work today. So when I woke up (I got to sleep in by the way) at 0630 I was laughing at how slow the Marine Corps really is sometimes. There was not a single flake on the ground! So I go about my morning routine getting ready. Shave, start the coffee, shower. While I was getting dressed I moved over to open the blinds. No, not because I'm an exhibitionist, but because by this time it's light out. Besides, I live on the fourth floor! Anyways, to my surprise when I opened the blinds was one of the heaviest snowfalls that I can remember in a long time. 0730 rolls around and it's time to leave. It took the normal 45 minutes to drive all 8 miles to work as usual. Minutes before we get there my friend TK gets a text telling him our report time was just changed to 1000. Having just under two hours to kill we decided to head over and chill out in the PX parking lot. I thought it'd be funny parking in the general's parking spot, so I did. While we're there waiting we received further word that the base was going to shut down due to the winter storm that was "dumping" snow on us. So we start heading back to the hotel, again just 8 miles away. By this point I had long smashed my large cup of coffee I usually drink in the mornings out here. Without giving another thought I push north towards the main gate. About a mile down the road (30 minutes later) I really had to go to the bathroom. I could not just go on the side of the road. Once we finally made it off base I couldn't stop somewhere in town because I was in cammies. It got to the point I had to empty a half full water bottle that was in the back seat just in case I needed to use it. It was so bad that for the last few minutes of the ride I told TK that there was no talking and that I needed complete concentration or I was going to wet myself. Being the good friend he is he kept finding things that would make me laugh, making me almost let go. It took us two hours to get back to the hotel. Two hours! Just so I don't keep in suspense any longer, I did indeed make it back to my room in time.
All said and done we received a few inches of snow today. Keep in mind that here in coastal North Carolina, I think that equates to somewhere around a few feet. It's amazing how such a little amount of snow shut down an entire Marine Corps base! Not that I'm complaining. In fact, I already have a two hour delay tomorrow morning. Trust me though, I will take it easy on the coffee.
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Upcoming Birthdays
Tonight on the phone Reagan told me, "Dad, it stinks you're going to miss everyone's birthday...well, except your own."
I totally agree kiddo.
I totally agree kiddo.
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Missing My Girls
Tonight I was sitting in my hotel room flipping through the channels when a show about the Secret Service came on. I learned something I didn't know. The Secret Service was first established after the assassination of President William McKinley in 1901. I always thought they were formed after Lincoln was shot. The show went on to talk about the failures of the Secret Service and how the death of President Kennedy could have been mitigated by security precautions that were ignored. It also talked about the reaction and training that the agents go through in order to react to numerous different situations. It talked about the reaction time of agents when President Reagan was shot. All in all a pretty interesting show with a lot of insights into the Secret Service, which very much so is a secret service.
I don't ramble on about a television show without reason. I bring it up because all three of my girls were already on my mind prior to the show even coming on. I had been looking at the new pictures of us together and pondering the relationships I have with each of them. Each relationship unique and very different from one another. I've oftentimes talked about the changes in the relationships I've had with my daughters before and after deployments. I've said many times over that dealing with a lot of what I have seen is pale in comparison to my own children wanting nothing to do with me when I got home. It's difficult to get over that. It is a constant process in which months stretch into years before the uniqueness of the new relationship overshadows the physical and emotional gaps caused by deployments.
I will give an example. McKinley from birth was very much so a Daddy's Girl. She was the baby that let me feed her and rock her. She almost always favored me over Heidi. I cherished every single minute of it. If any of the girls had me wrapped around their finger it was her. Reagan, my Brutus, was the exact opposite. The only reason I didn't sell that kid was because she made me laugh. I would get so frustrated with how much disliked me. Heidi and I only had Kennedy during the first deployment. She was a baby then. From experience I knew to expect changes before I got home from my second deployment. Expecting doesn't always mean you are prepared though. I remember it as if it were yesterday how all three of them came running down those concrete steps to rush into my arms. I remember fighting back tears of joy being able to hold them again. I can still hear the words of McK as she's hugging me she says, "Daddy, I missed you." All was great for a while. After a couple of weeks of being home I noticed how McK didn't really favor me any longer. I no longer had my Daddy's Girl. She didn't want a whole lot to do with me. Still to this day she doesn't really like me a whole lot most of time. Brutus on the other hand is my little buddy. I noticed an immediate change in her. All of a sudden she liked me.
I will not talk about my relationship with Kennedy tonight. This will be our third separation. She is growing up before my eyes and I cannot do anything to slow it down. Overnight it seems she is morphing from my first born child into a young lady. It hurts that I will not be there for her over the next year.
Some of you reading this may think that all children go through these phases. I completely agree. I also know deployments change the relationships for months/years after being reunited. Heidi and I have talked many hours about this and how it's affected our family. For me it is constantly on my mind and causes great anxiety. Sitting alone in a quiet hotel room 700 miles from them doesn't help much.
I feel as though I'm starting to ramble on the keyboard as it's been a long day and I'm starting to fade.
Please, if you take anything away from this post tonight, take these two things:
1. If you're blessed enough to be able to go kiss your sleeping children before you climb into bed, do so. Thank the Lord that He picked YOU to be their parent. And tomorrow and the day after that don't forget to do the same.
2. I love my daughters more than I can put into words. K-K, Brutus, and Pester...see you in my dreams tonight.
I don't ramble on about a television show without reason. I bring it up because all three of my girls were already on my mind prior to the show even coming on. I had been looking at the new pictures of us together and pondering the relationships I have with each of them. Each relationship unique and very different from one another. I've oftentimes talked about the changes in the relationships I've had with my daughters before and after deployments. I've said many times over that dealing with a lot of what I have seen is pale in comparison to my own children wanting nothing to do with me when I got home. It's difficult to get over that. It is a constant process in which months stretch into years before the uniqueness of the new relationship overshadows the physical and emotional gaps caused by deployments.
I will give an example. McKinley from birth was very much so a Daddy's Girl. She was the baby that let me feed her and rock her. She almost always favored me over Heidi. I cherished every single minute of it. If any of the girls had me wrapped around their finger it was her. Reagan, my Brutus, was the exact opposite. The only reason I didn't sell that kid was because she made me laugh. I would get so frustrated with how much disliked me. Heidi and I only had Kennedy during the first deployment. She was a baby then. From experience I knew to expect changes before I got home from my second deployment. Expecting doesn't always mean you are prepared though. I remember it as if it were yesterday how all three of them came running down those concrete steps to rush into my arms. I remember fighting back tears of joy being able to hold them again. I can still hear the words of McK as she's hugging me she says, "Daddy, I missed you." All was great for a while. After a couple of weeks of being home I noticed how McK didn't really favor me any longer. I no longer had my Daddy's Girl. She didn't want a whole lot to do with me. Still to this day she doesn't really like me a whole lot most of time. Brutus on the other hand is my little buddy. I noticed an immediate change in her. All of a sudden she liked me.
I will not talk about my relationship with Kennedy tonight. This will be our third separation. She is growing up before my eyes and I cannot do anything to slow it down. Overnight it seems she is morphing from my first born child into a young lady. It hurts that I will not be there for her over the next year.
Some of you reading this may think that all children go through these phases. I completely agree. I also know deployments change the relationships for months/years after being reunited. Heidi and I have talked many hours about this and how it's affected our family. For me it is constantly on my mind and causes great anxiety. Sitting alone in a quiet hotel room 700 miles from them doesn't help much.
I feel as though I'm starting to ramble on the keyboard as it's been a long day and I'm starting to fade.
Please, if you take anything away from this post tonight, take these two things:
1. If you're blessed enough to be able to go kiss your sleeping children before you climb into bed, do so. Thank the Lord that He picked YOU to be their parent. And tomorrow and the day after that don't forget to do the same.
2. I love my daughters more than I can put into words. K-K, Brutus, and Pester...see you in my dreams tonight.
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Anthrax Shots Hurt!
Just so you know, in case you ever become a goat or sheep herder or join the military, the anthrax series of vaccinations hurt! Yesterday I got stuck with the longest needle I’ve ever seen. The guy in front of me was bleeding after he got stuck. The subsequent injection was thankfully uneventful. I didn’t think it was too bad until I rolled over on my left shoulder in the early morning hours. It was painful enough that it woke me up. It got me thinking about all the vaccinations I’ve had over the years to ensure that I am protected against some pretty nasty diseases, whether in the form of Mother Nature or biological weapons.
Adenovirus, Anthrax, Hepatitis A & B, Influenza, H1N1 Influenza, Meningitis Conjugate, Measles Mumps and Rubella, Pneumococcal, Polio, Tetanus/Diphtheria, Typhoid, Varicella, and Yellow Fever. My personal favorite was Smallpox. It’s given by a fork-like needle and you’re poked several times on your upper shoulder. After a few days the area blisters up. You cannot scratch or pick at it or it’ll spread and blister again, thus repeating the process. After the blister scabs up and falls off you’re left with a nice little scar. Pretty good stuff.
Just never really thought about all of the stuff I’m injected with on a fairly regular basis.
I found out for sure today where I’m going to end up while I am deployed in Afghanistan. I will ultimately end up at FOB Dwyer in southern Helmand Province. I was also pretty happy to find that a couple of my buddies will be going with me. I cannot explain how important it is to have friends with you while you’re deployed. You share the good times, as well as the bad. (I probably don’t have to further explain what a bad time in a combat zone would entail.) I’m glad TK is going. It’d be a short list for those that I would want to go into harm’s way with, and he’s close to the top. He’s a good friend, a good confidant, and a good Marine. I know we’ll do a good job taking care of each other and in the meantime make some good memories doing so.
Since I started this blog yesterday I’ve felt the need to put my deeper thoughts in writing. Both days I’ve written I just cannot bring myself to do so. I have a lot on my mind, a lot I want to say, if not to everyone else, but to myself. Thus far you’ve only been privy to some of my random thoughts. Stand by and hang in there. All in due time. For now this is my side of the story.
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
My Side of the Story
My wife is a phenomenal writer. In case you do not know this, she is a published poet...twice. She has a knack for making sense of the English language in ways that I'm not really envious of. I read and speak the language. I'd like to think I have pretty advanced skills at both. When it comes to English Heidi has a certain geekness that is extremely easy to make fun of. A little over two months ago she told me that she was going to start blogging her thoughts and feelings she's having in regards to my mobilization and subsequent deployment to Afghanistan. Being the ever supportive husband that I am, I encouraged her in her new endeavor. Little did I know she's on her way to blogging stardom.
As Heidi began blogging I kept hearing from several of her fans how much they appreciated reading her posts. I am sorry to say that I did not know what they were enjoying because I had not yet made the time to find out what it was all about. Tonight on the phone Heidi made mention of how many people had read her blog and I felt it had gone on long enough. I am worn out, not because I did anything today, just from waking earlier than most humans should. I finally read Heidi's entire blog.
I must admit, she almost had me a few times. I am not easily moved to tears. Over the last decade I've learned to harden my heart when it comes to shedding tears. It has a certain time and a place. It's not a macho Marine thing...it's an Aaron thing. I'd tell you more about it, but it's sort of just my thing.
I don't think it would be fair for Heidi to tell her story without attempting to share mine. She has unknowingly inspired me. From here on out I will to write about my side of the story. Please do not hold me to the same writing standards as my published poet, English teacher wife. My grammar or punctuation my not always be the best. I could care less what a participial phrase is. I will simply attempt to tell you about my days as they go by.
I will start with the most exciting part of my day. It's not every day that a gunnery sergeant is chewed out by a sergeant major. Certainly hasn't happened to this guy. That is till today. Not for anything I did or said. To me the details leading up to the one sided discussion are rather humorous, but not important. What is important is that apparently my arms are longer than I thought. When I packed to come out here to Camp Lejeune I packed the cammie blouse that was small-long in size. In retrospect I should've grabbed the small-xlongs. It never ceases to amaze me how silly the Marine Corps can be. What made the whole thing even better was that the sergeant major felt that the best place to this was in the hallway with everyone from just somewhere around a half dozen lance corporals to a few junior officers and staff NCOs. My buddy, another gunny, was a mere two feet away stifling giggles with his back turned to me. I have yet to hear the end of it today how I was locked on by the battalion sergeant major. Guess you had to be there.
An hour and a half into this, I need to wrap it up. I have droned on without saying a whole lot. I have been interrupted I don't know how many times by my old buddy TK. He likes to knock on the door of my hotel room and run back to his before I open mine. I am beyond exhausted and I have to get up before most humans are supposed to be awake.
For now, that's my side of the story.
As Heidi began blogging I kept hearing from several of her fans how much they appreciated reading her posts. I am sorry to say that I did not know what they were enjoying because I had not yet made the time to find out what it was all about. Tonight on the phone Heidi made mention of how many people had read her blog and I felt it had gone on long enough. I am worn out, not because I did anything today, just from waking earlier than most humans should. I finally read Heidi's entire blog.
I must admit, she almost had me a few times. I am not easily moved to tears. Over the last decade I've learned to harden my heart when it comes to shedding tears. It has a certain time and a place. It's not a macho Marine thing...it's an Aaron thing. I'd tell you more about it, but it's sort of just my thing.
I don't think it would be fair for Heidi to tell her story without attempting to share mine. She has unknowingly inspired me. From here on out I will to write about my side of the story. Please do not hold me to the same writing standards as my published poet, English teacher wife. My grammar or punctuation my not always be the best. I could care less what a participial phrase is. I will simply attempt to tell you about my days as they go by.
I will start with the most exciting part of my day. It's not every day that a gunnery sergeant is chewed out by a sergeant major. Certainly hasn't happened to this guy. That is till today. Not for anything I did or said. To me the details leading up to the one sided discussion are rather humorous, but not important. What is important is that apparently my arms are longer than I thought. When I packed to come out here to Camp Lejeune I packed the cammie blouse that was small-long in size. In retrospect I should've grabbed the small-xlongs. It never ceases to amaze me how silly the Marine Corps can be. What made the whole thing even better was that the sergeant major felt that the best place to this was in the hallway with everyone from just somewhere around a half dozen lance corporals to a few junior officers and staff NCOs. My buddy, another gunny, was a mere two feet away stifling giggles with his back turned to me. I have yet to hear the end of it today how I was locked on by the battalion sergeant major. Guess you had to be there.
An hour and a half into this, I need to wrap it up. I have droned on without saying a whole lot. I have been interrupted I don't know how many times by my old buddy TK. He likes to knock on the door of my hotel room and run back to his before I open mine. I am beyond exhausted and I have to get up before most humans are supposed to be awake.
For now, that's my side of the story.
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