Stop telling me how close it's getting till I come home! Stop trying to get me to count down the days. I will not do it. I'm quickly growing tired of everyone saying how close I am to going home. It's almost as if it's said to comfort or reassure me. I need neither comfort nor reassurance. All I need to do is stay focused on the fact that I am still in Afghanistan and I have a job to do. When it comes time to leave, I will leave this place and attempt to think of it no longer. I will cherish the first embraces and kisses of my wife and children, as well as the rest of my family and friends, when that time comes. (No Benjamin, Donny, or Keith, do not expect a kiss from me. A bro-hug for sure, but no kiss.)
It's almost ridiculous to think about...you're telling me that I'm almost there, that I'm so close, but in reality I'm still 7,000 miles away from home, in Afghanistan!
You try it and see how close to home you feel.
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Father and Daughters
Lately I have spent a lot of time thinking about my children. I am surrounded by reminders of them. At my office I have pictures that they have colored for me as well as the Father's Day card which has a picture of all of us. I also have the pictures we had taken prior to me deploying. In my room, right next to my bed, taped to the wall are the pictures that I had with each of the girls at Chuck E. Cheese's in Jacksonville, North Carolina, while I was doing predeployment training workups.
I am constantly checking Heidi's Facebook page for new pictures of the girls. I know that the children in the pictures are my own, but they are not the way that I remember them. I see my daughters growing up through photographs. It is a double-edged sword. On one hand I love seeing those bright blue eyes that all three of them inherited from their mother. I love seeing the expressions on their faces. It allows me to imagine what they are thinking or saying at the moment the picture was taken. I smile.
The other side of the sword often cuts deep. It reminds me of how very far away from them that I am. I see the things that they are doing and the places that they are going without me. It hurts that I'm not there with them. I miss giving hugs and butterfly kisses in our own secret, special way that no one else knows each night before they fall asleep.
That's the thing that I wonder about the most. I know reconnecting with the kids after a deployment is a challenge. Maybe not at first, but eventually there's some fallout of being gone for so long. Trust me, after a couple of deployments I have firsthand experience. It's the little things. When the kids get hurt they don't come to me, they go to Heidi. When the kids want some chocolate milk they don't go to me, they go to Heidi. When they are tired they don't want to lay on my lap, they lay on Heidi's. This time I wonder if Kennedy has grown to the age where she no longer needs butterfly kisses from her dad.
KK was just a baby when I left and returned the first time. She was a little older the last time. I don't think Reagan or McKinley have any recollection of my second deployment. I'm glad for that. I'd rather them not remember me being gone. This time though there is no way around it. Kennedy especially is at an age where she'll remember me being gone. The other two will hopefully forget over time. I hope that when they are older they will understand why I chose this job.
I try not to dwell on the what if's of returning. There are too many things more important than that mind game.
I miss my girls. More than they know. Even from the other side of the world, in the terrible place that I am, they bring a joy to my life that I cannot describe with words. I am about two months away from being with them again. To say that I can't wait would be an understatement.
I am constantly checking Heidi's Facebook page for new pictures of the girls. I know that the children in the pictures are my own, but they are not the way that I remember them. I see my daughters growing up through photographs. It is a double-edged sword. On one hand I love seeing those bright blue eyes that all three of them inherited from their mother. I love seeing the expressions on their faces. It allows me to imagine what they are thinking or saying at the moment the picture was taken. I smile.
The other side of the sword often cuts deep. It reminds me of how very far away from them that I am. I see the things that they are doing and the places that they are going without me. It hurts that I'm not there with them. I miss giving hugs and butterfly kisses in our own secret, special way that no one else knows each night before they fall asleep.
That's the thing that I wonder about the most. I know reconnecting with the kids after a deployment is a challenge. Maybe not at first, but eventually there's some fallout of being gone for so long. Trust me, after a couple of deployments I have firsthand experience. It's the little things. When the kids get hurt they don't come to me, they go to Heidi. When the kids want some chocolate milk they don't go to me, they go to Heidi. When they are tired they don't want to lay on my lap, they lay on Heidi's. This time I wonder if Kennedy has grown to the age where she no longer needs butterfly kisses from her dad.
KK was just a baby when I left and returned the first time. She was a little older the last time. I don't think Reagan or McKinley have any recollection of my second deployment. I'm glad for that. I'd rather them not remember me being gone. This time though there is no way around it. Kennedy especially is at an age where she'll remember me being gone. The other two will hopefully forget over time. I hope that when they are older they will understand why I chose this job.
I try not to dwell on the what if's of returning. There are too many things more important than that mind game.
I miss my girls. More than they know. Even from the other side of the world, in the terrible place that I am, they bring a joy to my life that I cannot describe with words. I am about two months away from being with them again. To say that I can't wait would be an understatement.
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
What To Talk About
I've been thinking all night tonight that I should have something to say. I should talk about something that's happened recently or some of the thoughts that I've had. Here's what I've come up with..........
I almost cut off my pointer finger on my left hand. Being that I'm left-handed, that probably would not have been really all that good for me. I didn't really almost cut it off, but I had a nasty gash about an inch and a half long. The really deep part was right next to the finger nail. The medical officer told me that if it hadn't been so close to the nail she would've put a few stitches in my finger. Instead they used this stuff called Dermabond, which is basically super glue to close the wound.
Good story, huh?
I almost cut off my pointer finger on my left hand. Being that I'm left-handed, that probably would not have been really all that good for me. I didn't really almost cut it off, but I had a nasty gash about an inch and a half long. The really deep part was right next to the finger nail. The medical officer told me that if it hadn't been so close to the nail she would've put a few stitches in my finger. Instead they used this stuff called Dermabond, which is basically super glue to close the wound.
Good story, huh?
Friday, August 5, 2011
Happy Anniversary
To My Wonderful Wife of 11 Years,
Like I mentioned on the phone tonight, unfortunately we have spent many anniversaries apart from each other due to the Marine Corps. I'd venture a guess we've been physically apart at least 5 of those 11 years due to a Marine Corps school or op or deployment somewhere.
Looking back I cannot say that we've really had any bad times together. We've gone through some things that weren't exactly fun, but we went through them together. We have both individually grown in different ways over the last decade+, but our relationship continues to grow together. I am excited to see what the next decade+ will bring.
You and I are blessed to share three beautiful daughters together. You know that the four of you mean the world to me. Thank you for being understanding and accepting of me and who I am. Thank you for not complaining about being apart for so many of our anniversaries. Even though it usually gets me out of buying an anniversary present or taking you out to dinner, you know I would I if could.
Today marks the passing of one more year and the start of another in our marriage. Here's to another year together.
You know I love you,
ASC
P.S.
It's less than two months to go...almost to the home stretch. Hang in there a little while longer!
Like I mentioned on the phone tonight, unfortunately we have spent many anniversaries apart from each other due to the Marine Corps. I'd venture a guess we've been physically apart at least 5 of those 11 years due to a Marine Corps school or op or deployment somewhere.
Looking back I cannot say that we've really had any bad times together. We've gone through some things that weren't exactly fun, but we went through them together. We have both individually grown in different ways over the last decade+, but our relationship continues to grow together. I am excited to see what the next decade+ will bring.
You and I are blessed to share three beautiful daughters together. You know that the four of you mean the world to me. Thank you for being understanding and accepting of me and who I am. Thank you for not complaining about being apart for so many of our anniversaries. Even though it usually gets me out of buying an anniversary present or taking you out to dinner, you know I would I if could.
Today marks the passing of one more year and the start of another in our marriage. Here's to another year together.You know I love you,
ASC
P.S.
It's less than two months to go...almost to the home stretch. Hang in there a little while longer!
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Set Me In Motion
All day today I was dreading what I knew I'd have to make myself do tonight. Yesterday I worked outside most of the day, in the 120+ temps. I was exhausted and dehydrated. I knew yesterday afternoon I would not be able to have a good workout being in the condition that I was in. Therefore I knew I had to make it happen today.
I work out at night. Anyone that knows me knows that I cannot get my butt out of bed in the mornings to save my life. Instead I start my workout routine around 8-8:30 at night. By this time it's cooled off to at least 110 degrees.
Lately I've been having more pain in my knees and ankles during and after my run. I have been extremely disappointed in my performance the last couple of weeks. I have not been able to get into a good rhythm while I'm running. The whole time I feel "off". My run times have been atrocious....the slowest pace I have ever run. The distances I've been running are shorter than what I expected to be running at this point. Overall I'm pretty bummed about the whole deal.
Tonight was not any different than most other nights. I couldn't have been a quarter mile down the road before I had to stop and walk a little because my knees where killing me. I walked it off and kept going, refusing to quit, even if it hurt me. I struggled along through the rest of mile 1. About a mile and half into my endeavor I was to turn around and head back. I couldn't get comfortable, my knees were on fire, and the effects of dehydration were kicking in. I tried to stave off the pain by throttling back a little. Not that I was blazing a trail by any means, but I slowed way down and started focusing on my breathing and my form.
About this time a certain song popped on my iPod. Yeah, yeah, I know it's against regulations to run with headphones on, but I'm a gunnery sergeant now...I do what I want to do! Back to the song...It was a song from the movie Backdraft. Bruce Hornsby's "Set Me In Motion." Whenever I hear the song it reminds me of the movie, which in turn reminds me of my old man. At that moment I got to thinking about running with my dad.
I'm not sure why I did it, but instead of turning around and the end of the road, I turned the corner and kept going. I had only planned on about 3 and a half mile run. Next thing I know I'm breezing through mile 4 and now mile 5. Okay, okay, I wasn't breezing through any of it. But thinking about the miles my dad has run over the years helped pushed me through mine tonight. I was in a comfortable rhythm and running at a comfortable pace. I was still feeling the effects of trying to run in the heat and being on the dehydrated side, but at least I had forgotten about the pain in my knees. I smartly wrapped it up somewhere around mile 6. I'm not sure how far it was exactly, but a lot farther than I intended when I started out.
I know if I had looked left or right I wouldn't not have seen anyone, but tonight I know that my dad was there with me every step of the way. Thanks for the run, Pops.
I work out at night. Anyone that knows me knows that I cannot get my butt out of bed in the mornings to save my life. Instead I start my workout routine around 8-8:30 at night. By this time it's cooled off to at least 110 degrees.
Lately I've been having more pain in my knees and ankles during and after my run. I have been extremely disappointed in my performance the last couple of weeks. I have not been able to get into a good rhythm while I'm running. The whole time I feel "off". My run times have been atrocious....the slowest pace I have ever run. The distances I've been running are shorter than what I expected to be running at this point. Overall I'm pretty bummed about the whole deal.
Tonight was not any different than most other nights. I couldn't have been a quarter mile down the road before I had to stop and walk a little because my knees where killing me. I walked it off and kept going, refusing to quit, even if it hurt me. I struggled along through the rest of mile 1. About a mile and half into my endeavor I was to turn around and head back. I couldn't get comfortable, my knees were on fire, and the effects of dehydration were kicking in. I tried to stave off the pain by throttling back a little. Not that I was blazing a trail by any means, but I slowed way down and started focusing on my breathing and my form.
About this time a certain song popped on my iPod. Yeah, yeah, I know it's against regulations to run with headphones on, but I'm a gunnery sergeant now...I do what I want to do! Back to the song...It was a song from the movie Backdraft. Bruce Hornsby's "Set Me In Motion." Whenever I hear the song it reminds me of the movie, which in turn reminds me of my old man. At that moment I got to thinking about running with my dad.
I'm not sure why I did it, but instead of turning around and the end of the road, I turned the corner and kept going. I had only planned on about 3 and a half mile run. Next thing I know I'm breezing through mile 4 and now mile 5. Okay, okay, I wasn't breezing through any of it. But thinking about the miles my dad has run over the years helped pushed me through mine tonight. I was in a comfortable rhythm and running at a comfortable pace. I was still feeling the effects of trying to run in the heat and being on the dehydrated side, but at least I had forgotten about the pain in my knees. I smartly wrapped it up somewhere around mile 6. I'm not sure how far it was exactly, but a lot farther than I intended when I started out.
I know if I had looked left or right I wouldn't not have seen anyone, but tonight I know that my dad was there with me every step of the way. Thanks for the run, Pops.
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